the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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