I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
