You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
