Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
