i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
