So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize