I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
