I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
