I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
