We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
