I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
