So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I am available for nakedness
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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