I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
