Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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