are you still at the devil's house?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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