Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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