Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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