is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize