I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
