Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
