i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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