we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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