My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
what is it with giant penises always finding me
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
