omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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