I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
