I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize