Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
