Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
