my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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