ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
