I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
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