I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
