onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
