You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
