No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
