so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
