There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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