just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
