Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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