Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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