He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
