I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
