Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
