So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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