Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
