i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
