I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
did you just send me my own nude
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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