you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
