brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
