Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
