Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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