matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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