I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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