yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
