I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
