I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize