i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
