Tell her she can't have a vagina
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I believe in your delicious
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
