Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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