god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
