Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
