So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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