Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
