Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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