Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
