Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
